


we know and we remember

by TheDisappearingAct



Category: Big Little Lies (TV), Big Little Lies - Liane Moriarty
Genre: F/F, friendship friendship but hey if you want it to be more who am i to stop you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 13:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDisappearingAct/pseuds/TheDisappearingAct
Summary: Madeline Martha Mackenzie is Celeste's best friend.
Relationships: Madeline Martha Mackenzie/Celeste Wright
Kudos: 22





	we know and we remember

Madeline could not stop thinking about Celeste. 

Celeste sat in front of her at her laptop, printing out a few pictures for Chloe's project. Madeline's printer had run out of ink so Celeste had offered to print some out. They both knew that Celeste could have just dropped them off but the two grasped at any reason to have each other over. After all, they were busy women. 

Celeste held up three glossy sheets of cartoon ladybugs. "All set!" she said, smiling. 

Madeline took the papers. "What did I ever do to deserve friend like you? I must have cured cancer or something in my past life." 

"Isn't the whole point of a past life the fact that it happened in the past?" Celeste replied. 

"Shut up, you know what I meant." Madeline replied but Celeste had turned back to her screen. "What are you looking at on your laptop that's so much more important than me?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

"The twins' teacher just emailed me. Hoping everything is going alright, I just don't know what do with them." she said.

Madeline wrapped her arms around her from behind. "I'm sure everything's fine." she said. "The boys are good kids. You know that." She squeezed causing Celeste to take a sharp breath. 

"Are you alright?" she asked, walking around so she was now facing Celeste, a look of concern washing over her face. 

"Yeah, I'm fine it's just my ribs, you know-."

"Oh my god, oh fuck, I'm sorry." Madeline said, freaking out. "I'm so fucking stupid-"

"Madeline, it's really alright. They're all healed anyway it just hurts a bit." She stretched her arms. "See, I'm fine. You just caught me off guard." She went back to her laptop. "Give me five minutes to just email her back and then I'll make us some coffee and you can get me up to date on all the school gossip." 

"I'll do it," Madeline stated quickly. "Doesn't make sense for me to just stand here."

She went to the kitchen and pulled out some K-cups. Celeste had a French press but she could never figure it out. And anyways, she liked the white noise the Keurig made. She needed the time to collect her thoughts. 

How could have Madeline been so stupid? She knew about Celeste's condition, her injuries. For fuck's sake, she had been there at the hospital with her. And here she was treating her like on of Chloe's Barbie dolls. It came from her inane desire to pretend that everything was normal. That Celeste and her were not traumatized by an event that had changed the fabric of their lives. That they had not been there on Trivia Night at all. 

But they had. No matter how hard Madeline had tried to forget, they had been there. And she had _seen _all of it. 

She had read somewhere that some people just never processed trauma. The event would be blacked out from their memory, repressed until it just _wasn't_. Madeline was not one of those people. She could remember everything about that night. The sugary drinks, the scratchy eye mask on her forehead, the feel of Ed's leather jacket: it was all so intense, so vivid, that she could just cry from being so overwhelmed. 

She remembered the worst of it too. The way Perry's face had gotten. Not angry, just... hard. Cold. Like it was all routine to him. And the way Celeste had grown tense, it all felt like it was rehearsed. It felt like some sort of sick dance. 

When Bonnie had pushed him, she hadn't felt fear or guilt. She had felt relieved. Suddenly it was so quiet at the top of those steps, she could hear the faint music coming from the back of the school. And then she had seen Celeste, curled up in fetal position, the straps of her dress having fallen down her arms. Madeline had rushed over and attempted to pick her up but Celeste shrank even more.

Madeline had realized Celeste didn't know her husband was dead. She thought Madeline was Perry. She thought Madeline was going to hurt her. 

In those horrific few seconds Madeline didn't know where to scream or cry or throw up. 

But then suddenly Celeste's lanky body had collapsed into her arms and Renata was calling the police and Jane was screaming for help. She had felt someone, Ed maybe, pull her away and she realized how much her arm hurt. She felt woozy, like she had had too much to drink and maybe she had. The lights were impossibly bright but she couldn't see anything. 

She knew that she had somehow end up in the hospital with minor injuries. Ed had taken her home and told Chloe that she was sick. She had waken up the next morning and for a few serene moments forgotten everything. 

But it all came back. 

Madeline had talked to many people since the incident. The police, Ed, therapists. A secret she held that tore apart her soul. 

She had known. 

It was before Perry had lunged at Celeste, before he had even acknowledged her presence. Perry was walking down to the top of the steps and Madeline had been studying Celeste's face. She looked as if she was shrinking. Her eyes were wide with fear but her body was rigid and stiff. And Madeline had realized why Celeste had acted the way she did. Why Ed had taken to comparing her to a wounded bird. Why Celeste walked on eggshells around Perry. 

_He hits you, _she wanted to say to her. _Why didn't you tell me he hits you?_

But then so much happened and Celeste needed her support. So Madeline put on a brave face, an I-don't-feel-guilty face, and got on with her life. But at night she would mull over the interactions she had with Perry and wonder why she never figured it out. She could have saved so much pain and yet she didn't. Because Madeline Martha Mackenzie was so fucking stupid that she couldn't see what was right in front of her. 

"Madeline?" Celeste had walked into the kitchen and Madeline realized she was crying. "Madeline, what's wrong?" 

"Oh my god, I'm such a mess."

Celeste walked over and took Madeline into her arms. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry." Madeline said through tears.

"You're sorry?"

"I'm sorry I've been such a bad friend."

"What are you talking about, Madeline? You're one of my best friends."

Madeline said nothing, just tried to regain her composure. 

"I love you Madeline. And I couldn't ask for a better friend." Celeste said. 

"I love you too." replied Madeline. She had the urge to add another _I'm sorry _but she didn't. This was a discussion for another day. When everything wasn't so close to them.

For now, Madeline looked up and smiled. "I made us coffee."


End file.
